It's that time of the year. The "new" part of the year.

New Year resolutions are overrated.

Well at least I've always thought they were. And the best I've ever come up with in years gone by is a feeble aim to lose 10kg or a number close to that. I blame the old Singapore school system for ostracising me in that horrid TAF (Trim-And-Fit - don't laugh!) club when I was in Primary 1. Look at how it's scarred me forever....!! *roar*

But I've decided (after some internal procrastination and self-conflict) that I really should get down to putting some real goals down and hold myself accountable to them instead of fluffy weight-loss attempts.

After all, 2011 marks several milestones in my slightly-over-quarter-life-crisis life.

It marks the 10th year since I started college as an innocent, doe-eyed freshman. That was the start of a major transformation in my life, opening up an entire intellectual and social fabric previously unknown to my protected little head, and the experience of which would mould much of my adulthood (thus far anyway). 

2011 is also my last year of being in my twenties! I don't know why people celebrate the big THREE-OH when they have the next decade to celebrate all of that. We really should be celebrating the end of the TWO-OHs and embracing auntie-hood!

Although I still struggle when friend's kids call me 'Auntie'. It's 'Jie Jie' dammit.

And this year will also open up a possibilities of new opportunities for growth - both personal and professional. After signing my decade of twenties away to an organisation when I was barely out of teenhood, I can almost smell the whiff of a new-found freedom within grasp.

That being said, it's not like I was ever really a prisoner in any way. In fact, I think I got along quite well, much better than most, some would say. I enjoyed a lot of what I did, and grew tremendously in many ways that only on hindsight are recognisable.

The problem is, now that I do have the chance to pursue anything I wanted with all my time and even the rest of my life, what do I do?

It isn't so straightforward as I would have thought.

I used to want to save the world, armed with the idealism of world perfection that only a fresh grad could have. I had grandeur plans of making my mark on society, making a difference to real people's lives, pushing for change and development where the world needed it most. Heck if I had to steamroll through barricades, fight tooth and nail with guerillas - I was going to make things happen.

Do I still want to save the world? Yeah, I guess, why not? But somehow, reality has jaded me to some extent, I know how unfair the world can be, be it socioeconomically, politically or culturally. And I don't have the anecdote to save it from itself.

I'm also scared. Of what, I can't quite put a finger down to it. I can only attribute it to growing older, becoming a little bit wiser, and therefore also more afraid of change.

I could so easily fall back into my comfort zone, meander along in familiar settings and manoeuvre a structure that I've adapted to over the years. Find some new challenges to sustain me and grow them over time and hopefully make some sort of an impact somewhere.

The irony for my generation (yes, that probably means you too who are reading this) is that we were given a whole new world of opportunities that our parents never had. We were pushed into a world without borders, we were given licence to create our own dreams and live them out in any way we saw fit; we were empowered with education and doused with ideals of new world orders, new frontiers, new everything. We could be anything we wanted to be.

And that's precisely the connundrum. I could be anyone I wanted to be, do anything I wanted to do if I set down to it, but I have so much choice that I don't know what I want anymore.

But that is no excuse nonetheless for not getting off my butt and doing something good for myself and the people around me.

So, here I am, about to create the first substantive resolution list in the longest time ever. And may the powers that be hold me to them!

2011 Resolutions
1. Figure out my direction in life. 
2. Pray more.
3. Take at least 2 travel adventures to places I have not been before. 
4. Do more community work.
5. Learn more photography. 
6. Spend more time lindy-hopping. 
7. Complete another 10km race.
8. Love my size. (as opposed to attempting to lose weight all the time!)

So there it is. Black and white.

Wish me luck.